Rainy Days & Mondays

I've been up and down the scale of human emotion these last few weeks, not because anything in particular has happened but just because I have been so completely immersed in every moment that I was left with no choice but to really, truly feel everything. Not all of it has been fun but most of it has definitely not been bad.

What has really struck me as interesting is the way that randomity hits just as soon as you think you've reached a point where you can take a little break.
Somewhere, sometime on the track of my life, someone must have cursed me with that old Chinese curse - "May you live in interesting times." Because, whatever it is, my life is certainly not boring!

This last while, we've more or less managed to sail through the everydays with minimal collateral damage. Sometimes I throw my toys because someone has very thoughtfully forgotten to flush the loo - I share my bathroom with 4 males; It's not pretty! - and other times I rush through the morning's work, the school run, the homework supervision and any other arbitrary bits of need-to-do fluff that fill up the days, magic up a decent supper and then feel the energy drain out of me when I see all the dishes and dirty clothes and school books that have piled up while I wasn't looking...

I guess I really should try to find the time to blog more frequently because this thing where I only rock up every few weeks doesn't work so well when there are so many things going on in my head. There's just too much to say and too little time to say it in.

But I digress.

So it seems I have been keeping my shit together quite well lately, which is great because it's just so draining when everything is such a drama all the time. I like this new thing where, when shit happens, it doesn't consume every ounce of my energy and attention - I have 4 kids who do a perfectly good job of that already, thanks. :)

And on top of mommying, which I guess I'll never be an Olympic champion at but am learning to accept being good enough at, I'm easing back into the student thing quite nicely. This week, I managed to complete and send in my first assignment a whole 3 days before final submission date. Now, I still need find the time (and possibly the cash) to go and buy my prescribed books and figure out which assignment on which module is due next, and then do it.
It's a little bit daunting but also very exciting. I am finally making some progress again!

In other areas, things are not moving along quite so smoothly, though. You may remember I signed up on FlyLady earlier in the year, and was all happy about having started on the Baby Steps? Yeah. Well, since that posting, I haven't actually progressed on the programme. I got stuck on the bit about creating a Control Journal, which, ironically enough, was one of the things about this whole programme that appealed to me the most! I *so* want to keep an organiser that helps me keep myself organised. But somehow, spending money on the bits and pieces I'll need to make it with just seems too frivolous when the kids need PE uniforms for school and we're going to run out of nappies soon and I've got to remember to make a plan about a birthday present for the little girl who gave James his very first official party invitation just for him... :/
And yes, I could probably make a perfectly functional journal out of and old notebook or something I have lying around the house. But who the fuck would be inspired by that? Right?


Maybe it's just that trying to make my house look the way I want it to is simply too fucking exhausting because it's me against 4 other people whose only response to my miniature psychotic breaks every now and then is to be frightened half to death of me? Meh. So yeah, I guess that my Flying Lessons are going to take a bit longer than other people's do.
And I'm okay with that.
For now.

On the work front, some of the things I started looking at in the last year or so are getting closer to happening and a few new ideas and possibilities have also sprung up in the meantime.

I never did hear back after that interview I had last month. I took a bit of a loss on it at first because what that indicated to me was that I am not, at this time, up to the industry standard as a copywriter. Primarily, I suspect, because I lack the digital know-how. But possibly also, let's face it, because I have stagnated as a writer. This is something I intend to remedy.

I may never be the next Margaret Atwood, but if being sort of okay at writing is as good as I'm going to get at anything, ever, then I am determined to be the best mediocre writer I can possibly be.

I think that this time, for me, is about learning to breathe and I guess also to stop worrying so much about what other people think. One of the main reasons I blog so infrequently - and I think I've mentioned this a couple of times before - is that I censor myself almost to the point of silence. Maybe getting more comfortable in my own skin will eventually mean being able to just let it all hang out. Or maybe it'll just shift my perceptions to the degree that some the views I hold now won't be real to me anymore. Either way, I'm looking forward to both the journey and the destination.

(Bright?) Idea

I was having a little browse on Pinterest earlier and came upon this fabulous idea for couples. I'd really like to try some of these out with #HubbyParkins some time.

The only thing is, the reason I would be interested in something like this in the first place is because we simply can't afford to do the usual Date Night kind of stuff - dinners out and movies and such. Which means that we pretty much can't afford to hire a babysitter either. Which means we have to rely on friends and family to take care of the kids on the rare occasion when we have the opportunity to get out and spend some time with just each other.

Now, getting back to the Pin I was talking about: Many of these things are fun ideas for things a couple could do at home. For us, however, doing "couple" things at home is also not an option. Because, as the universe would have it, any inkling of something out of the ordinary going down (no pun intended!) in our household acts as an open invitation for the kids to barge in unannounced every couple of minutes. Usually this sort of intrusion includes some "reason", ranging from "I forgot to tell you about my school project (typically due the following day)" to, "I just wanted to say goodnight and I love you!"

Which you may safely conclude quickly puts paid to any romantic ideas may have been lurking in the shadows, just waiting to upset the general familial bliss that our household embodies.

So I was wondering whether any of you (particularly other Joburg/East Rand moms) might entertain the idea of a babysitting exchange. I would be more than willing to babysit another mom's kids a couple of nights a month in exchange for the same favour. David and I desperately need some private time together just to enjoy each other's company and get away from laundry, homework, dishes and money worries every couple of weeks or so.

What do you think? Would you be interested?